By Dustie Houchin | 9 March 2026
This morning’s post was inspired by a conversation with a younger member of my community.
For decades, I believed that other people had the answers.
If someone was older than me, more successful than me, or seemed more confident in their opinions, I assumed they must know better. I thought wisdom naturally came with age, status, or experience.
So I listened.
I followed advice.
I adjusted my direction.
I allowed other people’s views to shape decisions that were deeply personal to me.
Fast forward thirty years and I’ve realised something important.
Not because someone told me — but because I lived it.
Most people give advice through the lens of their own fears, experiences, and unfinished business.
And once you see this clearly, it changes how you listen to guidance forever.
Three things I’ve learned about human advice
1. Many people react from fear.
Fear of loneliness.
Fear of poverty.
Fear of failure.
Fear of losing purpose or identity.
When someone advises you to “play it safe,” “not take the risk,” or “be realistic,” it may not actually be about you at all.
It may simply be their fear speaking.
Their nervous system trying to protect them from something that once hurt.
2. People can only see the world from their own experience.
No one — and I truly mean no one — has walked the exact path you have.
They haven’t met the same people.
They haven’t carried the same dreams.
They haven’t lived through the same moments that shaped who you are.
So when they offer advice, they are doing so through their own perspective of the world.
It’s not wrong.
But it is limited.
And it will never fully reflect your path.
3. It is often easier to advise others than to change ourselves.
It’s easier to tell someone else to exercise than to exercise ourselves.
Easier to criticise politics than to step forward and create change.
Easier to analyse someone else’s relationship than to work on our own.
Advice can sometimes be a distraction from the work people need to do within themselves.
What should you do with advice?
Before automatically saying yes to someone’s guidance, start by asking yourself a few simple questions:
Why should I follow this advice?
Why might I choose not to?
Does this align with my values?
Does it move me closer to the life I want to build?
The goal isn’t to reject guidance.
Far from it.
Learning from others is one of the most powerful ways to grow.
But you get to choose who your teachers are.
And even then, you only take the parts that serve your path.
A simple example
Imagine a friend gives you strong advice about a relationship you’re in.
Their opinion might be shaped by many things:
• Their personal preferences about the person you’re dating
• How much time they might gain with you if you’re single again
• Their past experiences with people who remind them of your partner
• Their own beliefs about what relationships should look like
What they won’t see is what happens behind closed doors.
They won’t see the quiet moments.
The private conversations.
The connection you may still deeply value.
And that perspective matters.
Choose your teachers carefully
Having mentors, guides, and teachers in life is incredibly valuable.
But choose them thoughtfully.
Look for people who are living the results you genuinely want.
If someone has built a loving, respectful relationship, ask them how they did it.
If someone has built a career that inspires you, ask them how they navigated that path.
But asking someone for direction in a field they have never walked themselves rarely produces useful answers.
It’s a bit like trying to drive from London to Paris while only looking at flight options.
You might eventually get there.
But you’re using the wrong map.
Your life is not a committee decision
Friends matter.
Family matters.
Mentors matter.
But the life you are building is ultimately yours.
Listen widely.
Think deeply.
Then make your choices consciously.
Because the most important voice guiding your life should always be the one that knows your dreams best.
Your own.
ALIGN | CREATE | BECOME 